


In Which Wyatt Probably Listened to "Need You Now" One Too Many Times

by madsthenerdygirl



Category: Timeless (TV 2016)
Genre: Drunk Texting, Fluff and Humor, I had way too much fun writing this, Multi, Texting, Wyatt Logan's Bisexuality Crisis, kind of crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 11:12:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14747738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madsthenerdygirl/pseuds/madsthenerdygirl
Summary: Apparently Wyatt's better at honesty when it's over a phone screen.





	In Which Wyatt Probably Listened to "Need You Now" One Too Many Times

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a post on tumblr: https://wingedkiare.tumblr.com/post/174215471843
> 
> I don't even know what this is. It's ridiculous. I would apologize but I apparently have no shame.

_To: Rufus_

_From: Wyatt_

RUFUS. RUFUS. RUFUS.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Rufus_

Wyatt it’s one in the fucking morning.

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Wyatt_

RUFUS I HAVE A PROBLEM.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Rufus_

Yes, you do, it’s called texting in all caps at one in the morning.

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Wyatt_

SORRY IT’S VERY LOUD IN MY HEAD SO I HAVE TO BE LOUD IN THE TEXT.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Rufus_

That doesn’t even make sense.

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Wyatt_

DO YOU WANT TO HEAR MY PROBLEM.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Rufus_

Sure. Why not.

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Wyatt_

I THINK I LIKE FLYNN.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Rufus_

That’s not too bad. I mean, I grew to like the guy. He’s like that weird uncle that just sort of grows on you when you’re not looking?

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Wyatt_

NO I MEAN I.

I LIKE.

LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE.

HIM.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Rufus_

Ohhhhhh

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Wyatt_

BUT I’M NOT SURE.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Rufus_

Well what makes you think that you “like” like him?

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Wyatt_

I WANT TO GIVE HIM THINGS.

LIKE BLOWJOBS AND SELF ESTEEM.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Rufus_

…ah.

* * *

 

 

_To: Lucy_

_From: Wyatt_

Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

cy

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Lucy_

On a scale of one to alcohol poisoning, how drunk are you?

 

_To: Lucy_

_From: Wyatt_

Not very.

Only teensy.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Lucy_

Go to bed.

 

_To: Lucy_

_From: Wyatt_

But I _can’t_. It’s all big and lonely.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Lucy_

Is this your way of asking for a teddy bear?

 

_To: Lucy_

_From: Wyatt_

May I sleep with you?

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Lucy_

Points for grammar but no you may not.

 

_To: Lucy_

_From: Wyatt_

But I like you.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Lucy_

That’s fantastic, I’m glad we’re finally talking about our emotions, but in case you haven’t noticed I am dating Flynn now.

 

_To: Lucy_

_From: Wyatt_

That’s okay I like him too.

Lucy?

Lucyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 

* * *

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Lucy_

Has Wyatt said anything odd to you lately?

 

_To: Lucy_

_From: Rufus_

You’re gonna have to be more specific, our lives are a study in ‘odd’.

Like, ‘using a code word we’ve never discussed but I’m assuming you read my mind and know it’ odd?

Or ‘I’m in a weird co-parenting-but-not-dating relationship with my ex-wife odd’? Or…

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Lucy_

Like… drunk text sort of odd.

 

_To: Lucy_

_From: Rufus_

Oh no has he been doing that to you too.

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Lucy_

WHAT HAS HE SAID

 

_To: Lucy_

_From: Rufus_

Um wow okay you guys do a lot of shouting. Nothing much? Just yelling. Crying about how he’s going to be a horrible father. Asking my opinion on the baseball game. Mentioned he wants to suck Flynn’s dick. He told me carrots are evil and out to get him. Also that he got stuck in the couch and needs help getting out before it eats him.

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Lucy_

Wait what.

 

_To: Lucy_

_From: Rufus_

I know. He was flailing like an idiot, I was so tempted to take a video.

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Lucy_

Not THAT, Rufus! The part about him WANTING TO SUCK FLYNN’S DICK when the FUCK did he say that?

 

_To: Lucy_

_From: Rufus_

Um… like a week ago?

He was drunk.

He also said he wanted to give Flynn self-esteem, Lucy, I don’t know.

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Lucy_

Okay let’s just keep this between us for now.

 

* * *

 

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Wyatt_

Hey Rufus

Ruuuuuufus.

That’s such a funny name. Ruuuuufussssssss.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Rufus_

I’m going to check you into AA.

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Wyatt_

Okay but first you gotta help me with this.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Rufus_

Are you stuck in the couch again?

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Wyatt_

No it’s Lucy and Flynn.

I’m trying to tell them I like them?

And I want to make out with them?

Also other things.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Rufus_

Feel free to not tell me what those other things are.

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Wyatt_

No no no I mean I want to make them pancakes.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Rufus_

How come you’ve never made me pancakes?

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Wyatt_

Because I don’t want to have sex with you?

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Rufus_

Fair enough. Proceed.

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Wyatt_

OKAY BUT HOW DO I TELL THEM I’M TRYING AND

IT’S NOT WORKING

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Rufus_

Well what did you say?

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Wyatt_

Flynn was doing that thing where he’s shirtless in the bathroom and toweling his hair dry and I told him it was too early in the morning for this shit.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Rufus_

…I think I see what the problem is.

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Wyatt_

BUT IT WAS TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING

I AM ONLY HUMAN

I CAN’T BE EXPECTED TO DEAL WITH THAT SHIT BEFORE TEN A.M.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Rufus_

How about you just walk up to them, during a quiet moment, and say

Hey, I have feelings for both of you and I would like to date both of you, if you’re okay with letting me join your relationship.

Also maybe apologize for all the things you’ve said before.

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Wyatt_

THAT’S A GREAT IDEA I’MMA GO DO THAT

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Rufus_

Wait

Wyatt

WYATT IT’S MIDNIGHT

WYATT

You motherfucker if you give me credit for this I’m going to dump your ass at Custer’s Last Stand.

 

* * *

 

 

_To: Denise_

_From: Lucy_

So about that therapist.

 

_To: Lucy_

_From: Denise_

I know, I know, I know.

 

* * *

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Flynn_

So, you want to tell me why you were banging incoherently on our bedroom door at midnight last night?

 

_To: Flynn_

_From: Wyatt_

I plead the fifth.

Also stop leaving your towels on the bathroom floor like a goddamn heathen.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Flynn_

Only if you stop leaving your dishes in the sink like a goddamn fifteen-year-old.

Okay, listen.

If there’s something you need to tell us

You know you don’t have to be drunk to do it, right?

Lucy informs me that she would prefer it if you were not drunk.

 

_To: Flynn_

_From: Wyatt_

[seen 9:01 AM]

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Flynn_

You’re a real punk sometimes you know that?

 

* * *

 

_To: Flynn_

_From: Lucy_

I’ve been informed that you’re part of the problem.

 

_To: Lucy_

_From: Flynn_

Of course I’m part of the problem but have you seen you?

 

_To: Flynn_

_From: Lucy_

YOU’RE BEING SHIRTLESS ON PURPOSE.

 

_To: Lucy_

_From: Flynn_

And that new nightgown is just for shits and giggles I suppose.

 

_To: Flynn_

_From: Lucy_

…touché.

 

* * *

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Jess_

I cannot believe you.

You’re never allowed to give our child dating advice.

I called this the moment I walked into the damn bunker.

 

_To: Jess_

_From: Wyatt_

You could have HELPED by SAYING SOMETHING.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Jess_

What and miss out on this hilarity?

No fucking way.

Consider it payback for the pregnancy, I’m never going to stop throwing up.

 

_To: Jess_

_From: Wyatt_

I’m going to get you for this.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Jess_

Not as long as I keep playing double agent you’re not.

By the way do they know you’re a major sub?

 

_To: Jess_

_From: Wyatt_

WHY DID I EVER LIKE YOU.

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Jess_

Because I tell you to man the fuck up and just fucking talk to them, like the good baby mama I am.

Also give them the puppy eyes. That always worked with me.

 

_To: Jess_

_From: Wyatt_

I hate you a little less. Just a little.

 

* * *

 

_To: Lucy_

_From: Wyatt_

Hey are you awake?

I’m not drunk, I promise.

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Lucy_

Yes, we’re awake.

 

_To: Lucy_

_From: Wyatt_

Can I come in?

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Lucy_

Yes.

And feel free to stay.

 

* * *

 

_To: Wyatt_

_From: Jiya_

Listen Rufus might sleep like the fucking dead but I do not.

Keep. The volume. DOWN.

I don’t care if gags are necessary.

 

_To: Jiya_

_From: Wyatt_

Good morning to you too Jiya.

 

* * *

 

_To: Denise_

_From: Rufus_

One word

Earplugs.

 

_To: Rufus_

_From: Denise_

…I’m on it.


End file.
